This should have been put up a long time ago, but since we’re border crossing the next few days and probably won’t have internet, here is a little ditty or what I like to call Ode to TP.

When the rumble begins
and the moment is near
time is short
eyes well with fear

you look around
find the right door
run ahead
the stalls number four

The first is chosen
closest it is
someone is inside
the throne is his

Is there one clean
lucky enough you are
because if it wasn’t
you wouldn’t have made it very far

The pants drop
you sit in a second
relieved at last
your smile begins to bend

As you look up
something important is missing
you really do wish
you’d only been pissing

But as things would have it
pissing you’re not
with the pants down
you’ve been caught

The tears well up
you’re more terrorized than ever
will you forget this day
probably never

Toilet paper, like the air
usually there when you sit
but when it’s gone
oh man, you’re in deep $hit!