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The effects of travel on a marriage

March 17, 2011 By Jillian

One thing we’ve never really discussed on this blog is something very personal, but something completely relevant as we look back on two years – the effect of all this travel on our marriage. If you ask us the one thing that surprised us the most about our RTW, we’ll both quickly say the amount of together time. It’s a lot. A whole lot. I’ll never forget when we did our Tobias Index: South America stats and realized that in nine months the longest we’d been apart was three hours. I’ll give you a second to let that sink in. Three hours.

So yes, being together so much was hard. Sometimes really hard and there were those times it was really, really hard. But to be honest, I wouldn’t trade a day of traveling with my husband for a day of traveling without. It was an incredible test of our relationship. I have an incredible amount of respect for people who travel solo, but I know it’s not for me. Sure we got closer than a couple ever should (thanks to many bare thin bathroom walls), but living together in confined spaces and without the luxury of long-term friends has strengthened our relationship.

My Dad likes to say he and my mother were married at the same day, same place, but they attended different weddings. His memories from the day are very different from hers. She remembers the flowers, he remembers the band, she remembers a toast, he the advice of a friend. The point is we can share experiences and yet have completely different memories. We can be together and yet not.

I thought our trip would be similar, but we never really mastered it. Sure there are things that stick out in my mind that don’t stick out in his, but for the most part the meaningful experiences for me were also the same for him. It’s great to have someone else take off those rose colored glasses when the truth fades and a romantic memory of a place remains. It’s also great to have someone to provide prospective in the moment, to remind you that hey, this is a really incredible experience.

Before this gets too sappy let me remind you that traveling together was hard. It was brutal. Danny probably knows more about me than I care to admit, he sees my behaviors and patterns better than I do and I can do the same for him. We’ve somehow lived a lifetime together in two short years. The ups, the downs the ebbs and flows. Our marriage is probably stronger now than it ever would have been at home. We’ve overcome so many challenges together and faced more unknowns than couples do in a lifetime. It’s been tough, but coming out the other side with the “afterlife” before us, I know I wouldn’t trade for a day without him.

So we joke and say that the last two years of marriage count for double. That much time together has to count for something tangible right? Instead of celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary this year, between us we’ll be celebrating our “seventh.”

It just depends on the way you count.

To miss and be missed

March 16, 2011 By Jillian

Traveling gave us plenty of time to think about things at home. The prospect of another bathroom without toilet paper made me dream of the two ply ultra plush charmin that I’m always talking about, but there were plenty of other things we missed about home. Now that we’re home and on the other side of the coin, I can’t stop thinking about the things I miss about travel. Since this week celebrates our second RTW anniversary, here’s looking back at the things we miss, past and present.

Things We Missed about Home

Diversity
In all its forms, we missed diversity. Of ideas, of cuisines and of people. Although Mexican food in Mexico is delicious, we missed the variety of cuisine on offer in Washington, D.C. Somewhere around week 3 we broke, went running for hummus and falafel when we found it. We also missed the diversity of people, idea and cultures. We were surprised how homogeneous much of the world is.

Infrastructure
Say what you want about the traffic jams and potholes, but trust me, we have a darn good system of infrastructure here. We sat on a parked bus in Argentina all night long waiting for some road work to allow traffic to pass. The backups in China were epic and I’m fairly certain we walked faster than any tuk-tuk in Bangkok. Oh yea and remember the Marsabit to Moyale road? Enough said.

Western Junk Food
Whenever we found western junk food we hit it hard and honestly I have no idea why. We don’t really eat this stuff at home, but I guess it was a form of homesickness. I think I stopped in every Thai 7-11 I passed for a coke slurpee. I hit the oreos pretty hard on bus rides in China, especially after I discovered the half peanut butter half chocolate ones. Let’s not forget the damage we did in Kuala Lumpur. We went through a box of Cheerios, a bag of doritos, a bag of real Pennsylvania sourdough hard pretzels and a jar of peanut butter in a few hours. We felt sick and yet it was delicious.

Tap Water
We mostly used the Steri-Pen to purify tap water, but I missed not being able to get cold, fresh and decently tasting water from the tap. Sure it only took 90 seconds to clean, but that never removed the nasty taste or discoloration we sometimes encountered. Or the fish we caught in our water bottle while hiking in Peru.

Clothes
I’m the opposite of a fashionista, but I missed my clothes. I take that back, I missed the option of having clothes. I usually carried three bottoms with me- my ubiquitous black workout pants, my zippy pants and my long black skirt. The zippy pants were pretty much inappropriate outside of Africa or on the trail, and while I had a 4 tops, almost all were in shades of blue and it never felt like I had options. Sometimes I missed having a closet. Mostly though, I missed my jeans and hoodies.

Customer Service
I hated having to play “angry (insert euphemism for white person here) woman” in order to get someone to do what they said they would. I hated having to ask for clarification 1000 times before we paid for a trip, tour or excursion so that we wouldn’t get screwed. Basically, I hated having to doubt people’s word.

What we now miss

Third World Convenience
I knew I would miss this right away. Although it took some getting used to, I miss the regular appearance of street food on transportation and it’s friend the cold soda. Heading up the metro escalator in DC the other day, it was pouring buckets of rain and we were without an umbrella. I told Danny we’d buy an umbrella from the vendor at the top. Unfortunately there wasn’t anyone. Had this been Latin America, there’d be three guys selling ponchos and umbrellas. I miss those guys.

Surprises
These were usually annoying on the road, but now I miss them. Surprise! This bus only goes halfway to your destination. Surprise! Today is a very important national holiday that we forgot to mention. Surprise! The border is closed today. Surprise! The man sitting across from me at the medical clinic in Addis Abbaba lives in DC. Surprise! Thai food in Thailand is actually as good as you imagine. Yes, they could be annoying, but it kept things interesting and I miss those instances where there was nothing to do but to laugh and be flexible.

Freedom
I miss being able to pick up and move across a country whenever we felt like it. I miss the freedom to go wherever whenever I wanted. Sure, I can still do that now, but it’s much more expensive, which brings me to my next point.

Feeling Rich
It’s hard not to feel this way in developing countries where you can buy whatever you want whenever you want despite a tight budget. It was really nice to travel when we didn’t have to worry about the budget and could order whatever we wanted off a menu. Sounds awful, but it was nice to feel rich.

People
What I miss most about traveling is the people. I miss their hospitality, curiosity and genuine friendship. I miss their offers to help us whether we wanted it or not, and their kindness. The world is an amazing place and we were overwhelmed by the generosity we were shown. I miss the way a train conversation would morph into a discussion spanning the entire car about our predicament or how passing peanuts to the back of a shared taxi elicited a joke that made every passenger burst into laughter. I miss meeting these incredible people.

Gear: Start to Finish

March 15, 2011 By Danny

After 21 months backpacking around the world, through the Sahara, overlanding the silk road and climbing mountains, what gear survived?

These are the items that were with us when we walked across the border into Tiujana, Mexico and were still with us when our plane from Asia touched down in North America. All of these items were with us every step of the way….and survived. If you read any product review we write, make it this one!

Asus EEE PC – Our netbook computer (codename: Evelyn) has survived against all odds and I’m typing on it even now. It has survived sand and sun and even the occasional drop out of the back of a certain Land Rover onto the concrete below. The battery still gives us about 6 hours of use per charge and we have no problems with a single key and the screen is still perfect, albeit dusty. The version of windows that came pre-loaded eventually developed insomnia and the ensuing overheating forced us to switch to Linux and that has worked ever since. Now that we’re home, the power-cord is showing some wear, which I fixed, but we were able to order a replacement for $6. The computer shows its age but I have no reservations in recommending an Asus EEE PC to anyone. We picked ours up at Amazon.

Pentax DSLR K200D – Our big and heavy Pentax DSLR (codename Peter) is still shooting. We traded in our Canon before the trip because the Pentax is not only cheaper, but has a water-resistant and rugged body…which no doubt helped it to survive given that we only had it in a tiny Zing camera case. The full range zoom lens we purchased to go along with it isn’t ‘rugged’ rated and still works just fine. This camera still gives us better color saturation than any other DSLR we’ve come across and the only way it shows its age is that the sound it makes when you take a picture is different than it was at the start. This is a phenomenal camera (read our initial review) and I will not depart from Pentax DSLR cameras. Although our model is no longer being produced the value offered by Pentax over the more common Canon and Nikon brands is simply too good to pass up.

Pentax Optio W60 – This Pentax (codename Optio) point and shoot has never been quite as good as its big brother. When we purchased it, only one other water-proof camera was on the market. There are a few others out there now so I’m not entirely sure how the newer Optio models compare. This is a great camera for water sports, and that is the reason we purchased it, but if you’re looking for an every day point and shoot camera I’d recommend staying away from this water-proof variety. For our money though, this camera still works just as good as it did on day one and I bet that of the water-proof camera’s, the Pentax models are still top notch.

Eneloop Batteries – These are rechargeable batteries that hold their charge, unlike most rechargeables out there. When you buy them they are already charged which means they will work just find for your emergency kit as well as your travel kit. If you haven’t switched to these yet, you are about 2 years behind the curve. Batteries are expensive, just order some today, and you’ll never need any more batteries ever again. The full set of batteries we started this trip with is still with us and powering the same electronic devices two years later!

ExOfficio Give’N Go Undies – Although I enjoy the fact that I can again wear cotton underwear (aren’t you glad you asked) I have several pairs of these that have actually survived the entire trip. I cannot say the same for any other article of clothing. We’ve taken our clothes through some serious torture on our bodies and against the washboard and the fact that my underwear is the only thing that lasted two years is pretty remarkable. A few pairs bit the bullet and had to be cycled out, but seriously…this is quality material. If you do any level of exercise you would do well to pick up some of these.

Swiss Army Knife – There is only one option. Used mostly for opening canned food and beer and wine bottles it also does a pretty nice job at spreading peanut butter and emergency maintenance on eyeglasses and whatever else might need help.

Chacos – There is only one sandal I will ever wear. My pair of Chacos were new at the start of the trip and lasted until the final month…but not through that month. In the end the straps were finally torn by grit and dirt that had worked their way between the straps and the sandals. I had given myself a few extra weeks with a creative application of super glue but I can think of no other footwear that could have survived volcanoes, mountains, beaches, showers, swamps, jungles and deserts better than those Chacos. I already have a new pair.

So, wondering what those code names are all about? We named our electronics so that we wouldn’t stand in the middle of a busy market asking if the other person grabbed the computer or camera. Remarkably, thieves understand those words no matter what language they speak…better to be looking for lost “children.” Interested in more travel tips? Click here.

Two Years Ago

March 14, 2011 By Danny

Two years ago….

Barack Obama had been president for 2 months. There was a lot of snow on the ground over the prior weeks as we said goodbye to friends and family. You had never heard of Justin Bieber and Snookie was not someone you watched on TV.

On Friday, March 13, 2009, we set foot into Mexico with no itinerary and only a vague idea what we would do. The border was the busiest in the world and we nearly missed getting our passports stamped. We knew we were at the start of an adventure, but were really quite unsure as to what exactly it would be.

Over the ensuing weeks we survived a 7.1 earthquake and missed a coup d’etat in Honduras by 3 weeks. Local events, overtime, led way to bigger events like the earthquake in Haiti (and now Japan) and a near revolution in Iran. Sudan was one country when we were there, now it is two.

Two years ago it was time for us to begin making lots of decisions. Lebron had not yet made his. We made lots of mistakes, who doesn’t, and with time got better at the whole travel thing. Now we look back and realize how much we did and how little we actually even wrote about. I have 5 handwritten journals and 7 days a week I wrote more there than in any blog post.

For the next two years we’re going to re-live the last two. We aim to flashback to where we were two years ago about once per week and focus on what we remember now, what stood out in our mind. Looking back on our posts it is sometimes shocking to us to read about how we viewed an experience then as opposed to how we view it now. We’ve changed and so has our perspective.

Now it is time to retell our story.

Good Activity, Bad Activity & Ugly Activity

March 11, 2011 By Danny

We travel to open ourselves to new experiences. Some of those involve meeting foreigners and others involve seeing sights and learning about cultre. Some of the most memorable travel experiences for us are those ‘once in a lifetime’ activities that often define a place. At times these are exceptional while other times…not so much. No matter what though, they all make for fond memories and good travel stories.

The Good – Our runner up for ‘Good Day’ in our first Good-Bad-Ugly post, this was whitewater riverboarding in Uganda. The headwaters of the White Nile are unsurprisingly white and filled with rafting companies oozing with tourists looking to head down river. As kayakers we don’t enjoy rafting quite as much as we used to and with our cousin with us kayaking wasn’t really an option. Instead we jumped into a raft with boogie boards and although we had to sit out a couple of the rockier rapids we mostly swam through the Nile’s class 5 rapids in what was an incredibly fun day. Best part about not being in a kayak was that we didn’t have to lift a finger to paddle through the long flatwater stretches between sections of whitewater. Runner Up: That would be the winner of our ‘Good Day’ in our first Good-Bad-Ugly ugly post…Mountain Biking Bolivia’s Death Road.

The Bad – We didn’t even know the ‘W’ trail existed before we were halfway down South America. We were planning to head all the way south so why not hike the ‘W’ as well. When we arrived to town we searched for lodging and in that time out in the cold, I caught cold. In the end our trip to the ‘W’ was cut short because I was ill and this was upsetting because we had otherwise perfect weather for the trip. I think the moral of this story is that when heading to a place with rather extreme weather is is best to pickup the extra clothing and gear before arrival so that you’re prepared when you put your feet on the ground.

The Ugly – Another kayaking story, this one on the Rio Jatunkayo in Ecuador. Prior to this river trip I usually only needed to roll (that’s what you do to get back up when you tip over) once or twice each time I ran a river and had only swam/ejected (that’s what you do when you can’t roll) once or twice ever. On this day, I went for at least seven swims but I’m not sure of that because I lost count. To add insult to injury the owner of the hostel we were staying at had paid for my boat and transportation as the ‘safety boater’ for the rafters he’d sent out that day. I wasn’t a very good safety boater at all…. I did go out a second day in a different boat and didn’t have a single problem…so I blame it on having had a crappy boat that first day.

This column of ishouldlogoff.com aims to answer those questions that we always get asked. What was your favorite this, or your worst that. Every week we aim to highlight a new topic and will do so until we run out of ideas. If you have an idea for a Good-Bad-Ugly post, feel free to tell us in the comment section below or send us an email. To read all of them, click here.